Travel to texas

Laughter is the best medicine.

I’ve been told that by many people over the years, including such august personages as venerable mom and the good people at Reader’s Digest.  It’s also probably the cure for the latest round of insanity that is griping the nation.  You know it better as the full body scan at airports.

If you aren’t aware of the situation, a brief recap before I let you go back to your cave in the mountains of West Virginia where you can communicate what you’ve learned here with your mentor in his underground bunker in North Carolina who will then relay it to his other disciples at the compounds in Texas and California.

The transportation safety agency, aka the TSA, has bought a bunch of machines from L-3 Communications corporation which all them to do full body scans of anyone they deem suspicious or randomly unlucky.  These images leave little to the imagination, and like anything ever done electronically can be stored.  The TSA has promised not to do this at any of the dozens of major airports where these devices are already installed.

Until they get Kim Kardashian to go through one.  The in-fighting for who gets to be in the room for that one should rival any UFC cage match.

Just imagine the “hacker cred” that goes to the first one to get these wirelessly and post them on the internet.  And you know there are people out there who do these things, mostly for fun and occasionally for profit.  But usually at the expense of some large corporation, which comes back to the “fun” motive.

And if you don’t want to go through that, they will have to do a “manual” search.  Yes, you read that right.  A full body grope.  Because the other option wasn’t degrading enough.

But fear not, intrepid reader!  Your friendly neighborhood columnist here has the solution to this dilemna.  You knew I did, that’s why you stuck with it this long.  The solution is so simple, even an idiot like me could have figured it out.  And I am equally certain that there are hundreds of others who have simultanwously and independently come up with the same solution: humor.

The next time you are asked to be subjected to a body can, opt for the full body grope. ENJOY IT. LOUDLY.  Be as vocal about it as you can.  Moan a little at first.  Tell them how sexy you think they are.  Give a few well timed “OHs!”.  Giggle, and ask for personal information from the “handler,”  such as his favorite type of food and turn ons.  For the men, it wouldn’t hurt to think naughty thoughts and let him have a bit of a thrill as he realizes that you are getting wood while probing up your thigh.  I’ll leave the ladies version for others to envision.